Regrets (If I could do it all over again)

37 weeks!!



First of all I'd like to say that I really don't have any real regrets in life. I truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason, and even though I believe I have made many mistakes in my life, I'm not sure I really regret it. My mistakes have shaped me into the woman I am today... and for that I am thankful.

That being said, if I had the opportunity to do it all over again, start fresh... go back to when I first became a Mom, there would be a few things I would do differently. I wanted to share some of them with you all. When I first started on this journey and even considered trying for a VBA3C, my first thought was that it was crazy! I didn't think any Doctor would even consider me as an option for a VBAC, so why even think about it? As I began to dig a little bit further, and learned that it was a possibility, I was more than thrilled! When I began to pray about it and seek the Lord's wisdom in pursuing it, I sort of made a pact with God. I told Him if He gave me the opportunity to go down this path, I would make the most of this special gift. That is when I decided I would most definitely start a blog and share my experience with others. I realize this was a risk, considering I still don't even know if this VBAC would be successful. But I strongly believe that my story can and will have an impact on others, whether I end up successful or not. I especially have a heart to reach those first time Moms out there who are just starting out with their first baby. There are so many things I wish I would have known, wish I would have done differently. So that is what this post is all about!

1. I wish I had done my research. I was shocked when I first learned I was pregnant. Steve and I had only been married 6 months. I was on birth control at first, and my birth control had just run out right before Christmas. My OB at the time wouldn't just refill my prescription without me scheduling my annual exam. Since it was Christmas, and I was very busy with Church stuff going on, I decided to wait until the first of the year to schedule something. Well, I was a little bit too late! I learned late January, that we were expecting our first child! I didn't really know what to expect, and I didn't really take the time to figure things out for myself. I didn't read any books, and I certainly didn't look into the options of birthing.

To those of you newly pregnant, I highly recommend that you read as many books as possible! And please don't just read "What to expect when you are expecting!" It's an okay enough book, but you need to read all different sides of birthing possibilities. Don't just go into this birth thinking that you know how you want things to go, and expect that it will all just fall into place. Be aware, be informed. I have mentioned it before, but I highly recommend Henci Goer's "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth." It is a must read for every first time Mom. Yes, it is very pro-natural birth, but it is very informative when it comes to understanding what really goes on behind the scenes of a birth.

2. I wish I had chosen a hospital and OB more wisely. Let me just start by saying that I did ask around a lot for recommendations on an OB. But I didn't know what to really ask about. I finally settled on Dr. R. because she was recommended by a friend and the hospital was very close to my work. I figured it would be convenient with my many Doctor visits, and the hospital was supposed to be one of the best in the Dallas area. Yes, it is, but I didn't know to find out things such as: what is the hospital's c-section rate? What is my OB's c-section rate? To this day, I'm really not certain of Dr. R's c-section rate, but I would suspect it is pretty high. I learned after the fact (3 babies later) that my hospital's c-section rate was one of the highest in the DFW area (if not the highest) at around 28% as of 2009, and climbing! This is unacceptable, considering the World Health Organization states that there is no reason that any hospital should have more than a 10-15% c-section rate.

If you are a first time Mom, I promise you do not want to end up with a c-section unless it is a medical necessity! You can read more about the risks of a c-section on the following site:

http://ican-online.org/pregnancy/cesarean-fact-sheet

3. I wish I would have listened to my Mom! When I first talked to my Mom about my pregnancy, she often would remind me that she had two natural births and encouraged me to consider it! I laughed, saying, "I don't have a high pain tolerance Mom. Besides, you don't get an award for delivering naturally!" Funny, I cringe when people say that to me today. My Mom was right. I should have considered it! The thought never even crossed my mind to consider it! Why would I go through all that pain if I didn't have to? Before giving birth to my first child, we took a class at the hospital. They taught us how to diaper a baby and some of the basics... but nothing about birthing. They asked for a show of hands who was planning on having an epidural, and every single woman in that room raised her hand! Let's face it, the majority of women today choose the epidural. I'm not saying that the epidural is always bad, but I do believe we should be more informed of the possible things that can go wrong with the epidural. For me, I truly believe that having the epidural was one of my biggest down falls. Epidurals are known to slow down the labor process. I had an epidural for 12 hours while I labored... and then once it came time to push, I truly believe it stalled my labor even more. I couldn't push, because I couldn't feel anything! It doesn't happen this way for every woman, but I do believe it happens often! Just consider it... God designed our bodies for birth. Pain can be manageable without the epidural. I realize I haven't experienced it yet, and I may chicken out in the end. I hope I don't! I will have my husband and doula by my side the whole time encouraging me to keep going... I do believe it is definitely possible to have a beautiful and wonderful birth, without the help of an epidural.

4. I wish I would have never agreed to being induced with my first child! This is hands down my biggest mistake. Please, please, please... if this is your first child, ride it out. You won't be pregnant forever, I promise! Unless there is a medical necessity, just wait! A "suspected" big baby, is not a medical necessity. Most of the time, ultrasounds are wrong on weight. Even if it is right, many women birth 10 lb babies without any problems at all! I was induced 3 days before my due date for several reasons: swelling and slightly high blood pressure, PUPPS rash and a suspected large baby. Carter was only 8 lbs 6 oz, hardly big at all. I could have managed through the swelling and rash. I should never have said yes! Who knows, if I had been given the opportunity, maybe Carter would have come on his own even within the next few days! He just wasn't ready yet.

5. I wish I had done more research on VBACs after conceiving my 2nd child. I really wanted to try a VBAC with Sydney, but I really didn't give it the very best chance. My OB certainly didn't either. I should have hired a doula, taken Bradley classes, read all the books and most definitely should have switched providers! If you are considering a VBAC, please ask your OB the hard questions. Ask their success rate with VBACs. I never asked my OB this. She told me she would support me in a VBAC, but she pulled the plug on me way too quickly. If you want a real opportunity to have a VBAC, you need to have all the support you can get, which starts with having a supportive provider.

This week at my appointment with Dr. C., I mentioned to him that I have been having some real contractions. I laughed, saying it's pretty funny that this is my 4th child and this is the first time I have experienced real contractions! He said to me, "Well you were never given the opportunity before." He is so right. Please get the support you need when trying for a VBAC! You will never regret it. Otherwise, you will just be on an uphill battle the entire pregnancy and delivery!

Again, this is just a "what if" post. I believe this all happened for a reason, and I am thankful for the opportunity to experience this! I just hope that first time Moms out there can benefit from some of the mistakes I made and make more informed decisions!

Well into the 3rd trimester...

It looks like it's been about 2 months since I have posted, so I am way overdue for an update! I am now well into my 3rd trimester at over 31 weeks and am feeling pretty good overall so far. I just recently started to feel that "uncomfortable" stage, especially at night as it is hard to get into a comfortable position. Usually this is how I feel the entire last month of pregnancy but this is starting a little bit early. I guess that goes with the territory when you are pregnant with your 4th child!

Of course I've been getting lots of the usual comments and questions that also goes with the territory... on our trip out to VA for Thanksgiving (yes, we drove 18 hours to VA with three small children and a pregnant woman, and we survived!!) an eldery man in the parking lot made a comment... he looked in our car and asked, "You've got three children back there, eh?" then looks at me and adds, "and you're expecting another? Have you figured out how that works yet?" I wanted to say, "No sir, could you please explain it to us so we can make it stop?!" Of course I just laughed and said, "Yeah, we've figured it out!" Everyone has an opinion... of course with the Duggars in the news lately, we get the questions about whether or not we are stopping at 4 or going for a record... I don't understand why 4 children is such a big number, but hey, maybe that's just me! For the record, no, we don't know if 4 is the magic number, only God knows that. Plus, a lot depends on whether or not I am successful with this VBAC. I want to believe with all my heart that I will be, but again, that's all in God's hands. Of course I am still continuing on with my preparations as much as possible. Unfortunately, things didn't work out with our Bradley classes... long story that I won't get into, but I am still preparing with Bradley methods by reading books and getting advice from my amazing, wonderful doula! She has been invaluable to us. If anyone is considering a natural birth, please, please, please hire a doula! You will never regret it!

Everything is progressing quite well with my OB visits and everything seems to be normal. Dr. C has always commented that the baby has a nice strong heartbeat and everything looks great. Now that I am in my 3rd trimester I am seeing him every 2 weeks, and then the last month I should be going weekly through my due date (and beyond if necessary!) Just so everyone knows, my "due date" is just an estimated date, not an expiration date... I have about 8 weeks until my due date, but I am fully prepared to go 2 weeks beyond that if needed. I want to give this baby every opportunity to show herself to the world when she is good and ready!

I have been reading several books in preparation for this birth. One of the books I just finished is by Henci Goer, called "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth." I have to say this book is fabulous and a MUST read for every first time Mom who is pregnant or thinking of getting pregnant. I wish I had read this before having my first child! It actually made me a little angry as I read it and realized how UN-necessary my first c-section was! One thing I learned is that an epidural can cause a fever in the mother, especially if it has been in a long time. When I was induced with my first, they immediately gave me the epidural, and I didn't go into full labor for about 11 hours... so it was in for 11 hours and then once it came time for me to push, the epidural caused me to have a fever, which it was immediately assumed that I must have an infection if I have a fever, so straight to the OR I went. When in reality, it was probably just a side effect of the epidural and not an infection at all. I wish I had known that before!

I will post more soon, but I just wanted to give an update on how things are going. Happy to be in the homestretch!

Let's start with a dream

In my last update, I forgot to mention a dream I had recently that pretty much sums up this whole journey to VBAC experience so far. I had a dream that I was sent to the hospital for "observation." I wasn't in labor yet though. For some reason, my Doctor was not available to see me, so who did they put in his place? My old OB who did all 3 of my c-sections!! I kept saying over and over again, "But I'm not in labor, I need to go home!" She kept insisting that I stay and be monitored. She strapped me down and kept saying that I needed to have a c-section! I was sweating bullets trying to figure a way out of that hospital!! Somehow I escaped... but I woke up seriously freaking out!

I think that really does sum up what many women in my position are feeling when they start this journey of attempting a VBAC. I think we feel like there are so many obstacles to overcome, the biggest one being the medical community. I am NOT anti-hospital or Doctors... I plan to birth in a hospital with a Doctor. But I do feel that the medical community as a whole needs to wake up to the reality of what is going on around them. The c-section rate is climbing every day, and it is not out of necessity, it is out of convenience! The World Health Organization says that there should be no more than 15% c-sections if all c-sections were done out of absolute medical necessity... yet the numbers have climbed well over 30% in many hospitals, some reaching as high as 50-60%! That number is astronomical to me! Unfortunately, the hospital I delivered my first three children in had a very high c-section rate. I wish I had been armed with that information before heading into my first pregnancy. There is so much I wish I had known when I first started out! This is why I feel so strongly about sharing my experiences in hopes that it will help someone out there to make wise choices for themselves instead of Doctors making those choices for them.

So here are some of the things that I am doing to make sure I have the best possible chance of having a successful VBAC:

1. Find a supportive Doctor. I truly believe this is the most important thing you can possibly do! If this is your first time pregnant, you have to be diligent about researching Doctors, asking around for recommendations and ask tons of questions when you first meet that Doctor! Don't be afraid to ask questions! Find out what their induction and c-section rate is.. if they are hesitant to answer, run as far as you can!! If you are at all interested in having a natural birth, choose a hospital and Doctor that are known for being more "pro-natural." I think if I had to do this all over again, I would've also considered using a Midwife. I think either a Doctor or Midwife is a great choice, as long as they are not known for pushing inductions and c-sections. If you are pregnant after one or more c-sections, you MUST have a Doctor or Midwife that is pro-VBAC. Don't just take their word for it if they say "Oh yeah, I'll let you have a trial of labor and TRY for a VBAC." There is a good chance, they won't in the end. Sorry to be cynical, but this is just the plain truth. Find out from your local ICAN chapter which Doctors are pro-VBAC, and choose wisely. For me, I didn't have a choice. My Doctor is the ONLY Doctor in all of Texas and really all of most of the U.S. who will do a VBAC after 3 c-sections. He is only one of TWO Doctors in the U.S. who will do a VBAC after 4 c-sections. The other one is in the Atlanta area. We are blessed in the DFW area to have such a Doctor who believes in the woman's ability to birth naturally. So no, I didn't have a choice, but I couldn't be happier with that choice!

2. Hire a doula! I have already mentioned before about hiring a doula, but I can not stress enough how invaluable it is to have a doula! I haven't even been through the birthing process with her yet, but she has already well exceeded my expectations! She has just such a wealth of information available to give me anytime I have questions and is there anytime I have one either by email or phone. Having a doula can help to reduce the mother's request for an epidural or pain medication as well as reduces the need for pitocin or cesareans. (Read up about doulas on the website: http://www.dona.org/) My doula, Katie, has become a friend to me and I know that she will be even more invaluable to me once it comes time for the birthing process! I am SO thankful I found her!

3. Take birthing classes. Steve and I are currently taking Bradley classes and just started this week. It was pretty funny that we were the only couple that had children already, since most couples who take birthing classes are first time parents! I just feel so strongly that I need to be armed with as much information as possible in order to achieve a natural birth. The Bradley classes teach different exercises and relaxation techniques to help manage the pain of childbirth. I will be the first to admit that I am SCARED of the pain that I will experience during labor and delivery. But I feel that the Bradley techniques as well of the help of my doula (and husband!!) will get me through that pain. There are other birthing classes out there of course. Many doulas will offer shorter classes to give you an overview of some techniques to use. The standard Bradley class is 12 weeks long (ours is condensed into 8 weeks) and many people just don't have the time to put into that many weeks of classes. There are other options out there!

4. Brewer's diet. One of the things that Katie and my Bradley instructor have introduced me to is something called the Brewer's diet. It is a high protein diet for pregnant women which is supposed to significantly reduce the risk of pre-eclampsia, which is one of the biggest reasons for needing a c-section. You can learn more about the diet here: http://www.drbrewerpregnancydiet.com/index.html

5. Go see a Chiropractor who is Webster certified. I am still learning about this and am sold on the need for it, but am figuring out now if it is in the budget! I'm not sure if my insurance will cover it, so it may all depend on that. If anything, I hope to be able to go a couple of times (hopefully more) during my last trimester. There is something called the Webster technique (which you can read about here: http://www.icpa4kids.com/about/webster_technique.htm) that is done during pregnancy. I am not an expert on this by any means, but from what I understand, this helps facilitate optimal fetal positioning for birth. If you have a breech baby especially, this would be very helpful! According to Katie, it also helps to have a much easier delivery. A baby that is malpositioned can cause a much longer and harder delivery and often lead to a c-section. I have also heard from many other Moms that they swear by this as well and highly recommended doing it.

6. Have a birth plan! I think this is absolutely crucial. Even with such a supportive Doctor like mine, there is still the possibility that he will be out of town or unavailable when it comes time to deliver. Most Doctors would not even touch a woman who has had 3 c-sections and would automatically send me to a repeat c-section. Fortunately, my Doctor has several back up Doctors that are willing to go by the birth plan as long as Dr. C has signed off on it. You may have some battles to face, even with the birth plan, such as the hospital staff or an unwilling on-call Doctor. But it is so important to have your desires written down so that there is no question of what you expect to happen that day! If you have a doula, she can help you write a birth plan and let you know of some of the things you should put on it.

Those are just 6 things that I think are pretty important.. I know I have left off many. Unfortunately, as a VBAC hopeful, you have to go the extra mile, but hopefully, worth it in the end. I started with a dream with fears... I hope the end of that dream will be a happy ending with my beautiful baby girl delivered the way I desire it to happen! I do understand that there aren't always happy endings, but it won't be because I didn't try my hardest!

Well hello there 2nd trimester!

Well I am officially in the 2nd trimester, and actually already a week into it, as I am 15 weeks today! Hard to believe... it's flown by so fast! In the past 4 weeks I have seen Dr. C twice to confirm that everything was A-ok with my uterus. Fortunately there were no ER trips for me this time around... although a couple of times I was a little bit nervous in the middle of the night that it might be happening. Fortunately I was armed with my exercises to push the uterus back out, and it seemed to help. As of today, the uterus has completely lifted up and there is no more worry there... we have heard the baby's heartbeat several times now... all three times it has ranged from 150's to 160's. Today it was 168. Dr. C. asked me if I had a feeling if it was a boy or girl. I told him sort of have a feeling it's a girl... but hey, I guess I have a 50% chance I'm right, huh? He laughed and said yes! But we will officially find out that news in 4 weeks! I am so excited to find out! The kids keep going back and forth between saying it's a girl and boy. I guess we will find out soon enough!

Pretty soon we will be shopping for the much needed mini-van to make our growing family official...

In VBAC news, I have joined the ICAN of North Texas group... ICAN is the International Cesarean Awareness Network, which naturally, raises awareness about cesareans, and promotes VBACs. It's a wonderful group of women who encourage each other during the process of attempting a VBAC, or post-cesarean. I have also officially hired a Doula and am very excited to be working with her. And last but not least, I signed up for my Bradley classes, which start on October 3rd. After sending in the deposits for both my Doula and Bradley classes, I had this moment of panic... realizing, this is really happening! I am really attempting a VBAC after 3 cesareans and *gasp* attempting a NATURAL birth! I know I can do this, but it was the moment of truth for me. I am pushing forward, full steam ahead.

And so the journey begins...

My story:

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was young and naiive. I really didn't know anything about childbirth. I knew it was supposed to be painful. I assumed that everything would go exactly like it does in the movies, my water would break unexpectedly several days before my due date, and I would be rushed to the hospital, pop in the epidural, and then smooth sailing from there! It didn't exactly go as planned. With my first pregnancy, I was very over weight, I will admit. I started off over weight, and gained over 50 lbs throughout the pregnancy. My legs and ankles were swollen all day long, and I was absolutely miserable. About a week before my "due date", I developed a rash on my stomach that I later learned was called PUPPS, which is an awful pregnancy related rash similar to hives that makes you just absolutely miserable. So here I am, over weight, rash all over my stomach and my ankles were the size of elephants. My last OB appointment before my "due date" was scheduled for 3 days prior and I was absolutely convinced that I was not going to leave that appointment without being told I was about to have my baby. I packed my bags and brought them with me!

My OB took one look at me and saw the misery in my eyes. She took my blood pressure, and it was slightly elevated. She told me she doesn't normally induce first time mothers until at least a week past due, but felt that this would be a reason to induce. I almost jumped out of the table to hug her! We did a sono, and sure enough, the baby was measuring "big" and that just sealed the deal for her. I was immediately taken over to L&D to stay the night and be induced first thing in the morning. First thing in the morning: induced, epidural, wait. I waited all day long. Contractions were showing on the monitor, but I couldn't feel it, I had my happy juice. Every time I was checked, there was no progress. I didn't progress past 4 cm all day. Around 4 pm, my OB came and checked me, and started talking about a c-section. She said she would be back in an hour, and if I hadn't progressed, we would move forward. I of course was devastated. 20 minutes later, I began to shake uncontrollably. My sweet husband went to get the nurse. She came in, checked me, and said that I was dilated to a 10 and ready to push! So we began to push. We kept pushing and pushing. I was told to push harder, but I certainly couldn't feel whether or not I was pushing hard because I had that epidural! I was so exhausted from pushing, and had absolutely nothing to show for it. My OB came to help and still no progress. After 90 minutes of pushing, I began to feel sick, turns out I had a fever which meant I had developed an infection. Baby's heart rate went over 200! So immediately I was wheeled into the OR and ended up with a c-section.

When I became pregnant with baby #2, I assumed I would need to have another c-section. But then I began to do my research and learned about VBACs. I knew what they were, I am a product of one. For those who don't know, a VBAC is a Vaginal Birth after Caesarean. My sweet mother delivered her first child by c-section and then delivered myself and my brother naturally. But I had never really given it much thought. I brought the idea to my OB and asked her if she would consider it. She said she would! She told me the risks involved and said that if I would like to try, she would support me. The risks are really very small, about 0.55% that something could go wrong, typically uterine rupture. But even then if that happens, the chances of it becoming fatal are even smaller. So I decided to move forward. Unfortunately, I was still pretty naiive. I didn't do much research beyond what a VBAC was and that it really wasn't as risky as people make it out to be. I didn't look into the idea of trying natural birth and I certainly didn't know that many Doctors will act supportive in the beginning and then pull the plug a little too soon. Well that is exactly what happened. Two days before my due date, I took my blood pressure and it was "slightly elevated." It wasn't considered high, just on the cusp over being normal. So I reluctantly called my OB and she asked me to come in. The nurse took my blood pressure, and like me, thought it wasn't too high and didn't see it as being cause for concern. I went in the waiting room and then my OB came in and said, "Guess who is having a baby today?" Well I certainly didn't think it would be me! I had no signs of labor coming on, and my blood pressure really wasn't all that high. But no, she was convinced that the elevated blood pressure meant I needed to immediately go in for a c-section. I was devastated, again.

Baby #3 on the way, and even though I entertained ideas of VBAC again in my head, I knew it was probably a lost cause. My thoughts were confirmed when I met with my OB and she said, "Well you don't get a choice this time, we will do a repeat caesarean." I caved. Even though I had people telling me that some Doctors will consider a VBAC after two caesareans, I just didn't want to think about changing Doctors at this point. Even though I didn't agree totally with how she handled everything with my attempt to VBAC, I still really loved her as a Doctor. I enjoyed working with her, and well, I just didn't want to rock the boat. So I had my third c-section.

With #2 and #3 I developed an awful incision infection that had to be treated with an antibiotic. C-sections mean a much longer recovery process. I was already hurting, let alone having to deal with an infection. With #3, I also developed PPD (postpartum depression.) I really do feel a lot of that had to do with how I was feeling with my long recovery. After several months of dealing with the depression, I was finally feeling back to normal. But I in no way, was ready to even think about having another child. I even told my husband I wasn't sure if I wanted to have any more kids. I didn't want to think about having another surgery, and I was overwhelmed with life in general.

But then it happened, blessing #4. I was not expecting this at all. We weren't physically preventing, but we were taking ovulation tests to make sure I wasn't ovulating... well, I guess it didn't work. I was about 10 days late, and really didn't think anything of it, because my cycles have been whacky since my period returned. I was still nursing my almost 10 month old and it just hadn't dawned on me that I was "late." So I randomly took a pregnancy test one day, thinking I would just confirm that my period was still just being weird. I got an immediate dark positive! Holy cow, we're doing this again!

Immediately, the terror set in. I don't want to go under the knife again! I told my husband that this was it for sure, I was getting my tubes tied, I could not handle another surgery after this. He told me we would pray about it, but let's just take this one step at a time. Then the thoughts began to come back... what about a VBAC? No that's crazy, I thought. What Doctor in their right mind would even consider that after three c-sections! Some, very few, will consider after two, but after THREE?? No way. I certainly knew my Doctor wouldn't! But I just felt this nudging inside to look into it. I began to google Doctors in the Dallas area that specialize in VBAC. One name in particular kept coming up. It was VBS week at church, and one of the women in the nursing room with me had mentioned her Doctor's name the day before. It was this VBAC Doctor! So the next day, the last day of VBS, I decided that if she and I were in the nursing room again at the same time, I would ask her about him. Sure enough, she was there. So I asked her, and she said he was not only fabulous, but she had a VBAC with him! She said that he is a wonderful Christian Doctor and was so worth talking to about the possibility. I told her I would pray about it. We went on vacation that week, and it was all I could think about. When I got home, I began to ask around some more. I asked my close friend who had just had a VBAC a couple months prior, and she asked her Doula for recommendations. She came back with the same name of this Doctor! She said that this Doctor was the ONLY Doctor in all of the Dallas area who would do a VBAC after 3 c-sections. Most Doctors limited it to two c-sections prior. Then another friend of mine asked around on Facebook for me, and came back with the same recommendation. So I knew I had to at least meet this man!

We scheduled the appointment and went in to meet with Dr. C. From the moment I met him, I felt at peace. I knew he was the one. When he looked over my operative reports and told me that he saw no reason why I couldn't try for a VBAC, I wanted to jump up and hug him! He said that he has always practiced with the belief that EVERY woman should have the opportunity to deliver vaginally, no matter how many c-sections she has had. I asked him why more Doctors wouldn't consider doing this, even though the research clearly shows it is safe. He said it basically boils down to convenience. I am not here to bash the medical community, but I do believe this to be very true. More and more Doctors today are scheduling c-sections, purely out of convenience for their schedule. Women every day are told that c-sections are just as safe if not safer than vaginal delivery. How could that possibly be true? It's major surgery!!

So now I embark on a whole new adventure. In future posts, I will share more details about VBACs, the risks, the facts. But for now I wanted to share my story as I begin the journey.

I feel like I have a new lease on life. I am so inspired and excited about this new adventure! I am seriously considering try to delivery "natural" as well! Thank you for reading my story, and look forward to sharing the journey ahead!